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HiDeeHo

"Some calls it madness...I calls it HiDeeHo." - Cab Calloway
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Saturday, July 20, 2002

THE UMPTY-MILLIONTH COMING
Coyote has been reborn as Joey Skaggs.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/20/2002 12:11:00 PM

SOUNDTRACK
Lust for Life
Just Like Heaven
Lullaby
Natural One
Here's Where the Story Ends
Wild Horses
One
Solsbury Hill
Mercy Street
Blood of Eden
In Your Eyes

All singing all dancing life on fire. BAM! POW!

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/20/2002 11:40:00 AM

PET PEEVE
Okay, all of you logophiles out there, here is a thing. The difference between "nauseous" and "nauseated" must be explored. I am editing medical records, and of course nausea is a primary complaint of many many clinic-goers. "The patient claims to be nauseous." How about, for accuracy's sake, "the patient claims to be nauseated." The patient may well inspire nausea, but that is an unprofessional observation and would not go in a chart note. How about ditching the jargon, doc, and saying, "the patient feels as though they are going to spew."

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/20/2002 11:28:00 AM

PRODUCT ENDORSEMENT
Honey. Just plain old dribbling from the comb bee-processed uncooked wildflower honey. It really is the bee's knees. Take a whiff inside a hive if you get the chance. That's LA DOLCE VITA you're sniffing.

I JUST FOUND...
This. Do the Brits prefer their satire raw on burgers, fried in rings, or sauteed and glaceed?

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/20/2002 09:35:00 AM

DISCLAIMER
Not to say my infatuation with one certain Puckish character has dimmed any, no, not by many Twizzler-miles; however, there is more on my mind than that. I will take a breather and talk about SOMETHING ELSE.

LISZT...er, LIST
I am a compulsive list-maker. This method should be the sine qua non of listage in this day and age. To Hades with paper and pencils. How many more trees must die to support my habit?

Here is a partial list of things I have yet to do:

1. Get a Bachelor's degree in ANYTHING, preferably biochemistry. All of my credits are stanky and expiring.
2. Visit Europe. Any of it. That may change in the not too distant future.
3. Get further north than the Mason-Dixon Line on the Appalachian Trail.
4. Get published (college 'zines don't count. No, they DON'T).
5. Compose a symphony.
6. Play a tragic role on stage.
7. Have a professional massage.
8. Take Morgan to New Orleans.
9. Take Morgan to (fill in blank with great cultural experience).
10. After getting Bachelor's in (FITB), apply to medical school, get in, and raise Cain.

Is that it? Really? I mean, I've experienced homelessness, gotten a tattoo, hitchhiked, hunted killed prepped and ate my killing, been all over the country by car and etc., visited the place of my birth and conception, experienced relatively natural childbirth, experienced love at first sight I think, almost died by my own hand(the two are very similar as a matter of opinion), been comic relief on stage, practised medicine without a liscense even to the point of performing surgery (the patient recovered with his complaint resolved), sang in public without karaoke and had people ask for more, written scads and scads of stream of consciousness poetry and prose, pierced my own navel (healed over), trialed every substance known to mankind and a few not and left them in my pre-mom past where they belong...I've done almost everything on my previous paper list. Wow. That is a bit humbling.

So now what are we going to do? We are going to have a divorce party. We are going to be the new model, as Dave Eggers would say. We are going to make sure we don't lose any more friends to burnt bridges (hear that, Dion?). We are going to learn how to make puff pasty by hand. We are going to risk being arrested to cross the line at Stonehenge and get naked. We are going to quit referring to ourselves as if we were a bloody royal. Okay. I am going to...work today. That seems simple enough to start.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/20/2002 07:59:00 AM

SEDITION
It's Saturday morning. I don't usually have to work on Saturdays. As a matter of fact, I don't HAVE to work today, but here I am, up early, unable to lollygag in bed the way I have done my entire life. It's madness! Rebellion! A late 20-something not sleeping in on a Saturday? To what is this world coming?

By the way, here is some real Sedition for you. Cor blimey!

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/20/2002 07:32:00 AM

Friday, July 19, 2002

AAAAAAHHHH!!!
Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Brain, but won't the leather rot after a while? Narf!

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/19/2002 02:00:00 PM

THE PAELLA MAN
I can make paella any way,
I can make it any day;
I can make it in the oven,
alone or with a coven;
I can make it little,
I can make it jumbo;
I can make most anything,
(Sigh, but not a gumbo).
I can make paella
in the microwave,
on the radiator,
in a pot,
over fire,
even in the goddamned microwave.
I am a paella-making madman.
But I cannot make it Gaelic,
(I certainly cannot make it phaellic),
But I can make it Spanish or Catalan,
I am the paella man,
Portugese (gallego), Italian or French,
eaten outdoors on a bench,
German or Yiddish which ought to start with kiddish;
With fish and seafood, stuff from the seas,
and carrots and broccoli, capers and peas;
Chicken or lamb,
The paella man I am, I am.
R. Reno N.

Thank you, Mr. Guy.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/19/2002 01:14:00 PM

JULIE'S STOCK TIPS
According to one savvy in the ways of the market:

If you bought $1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.If you bought $1000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer then traded in the cans at a redemption center for the nickel deposit, you would have $107.00. Given the current conditions of the economy, my advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

In the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Time Warner implode, I wanted to make a few close friends aware of the next expected mergers so you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in late 2002 and make yourself a bundle.

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R.Grace Co. will merge and become Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros, and Zesta Crackers join forces and become Polly, Warner Cracker.
3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue forth as MMMGood.
4. Zippo Mfg, Audi Motor Car, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge to become ZipAudiDoDa.
5. Federal Express is expected to join its major competitor, UPS, and consolidate as FedUP
6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become FairwellHoneychild.
7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become Poupon Pants.
8. Knotts Berry Farm and the Nat'l Organization of Women will become Knott NOW!

I stole these shamelessly, but I can't remember from where I stole them. Sorry.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/19/2002 12:51:00 PM

DION
I have this friend with whom I have not spoken in quite a while. We had grand ambitions involving the Appalachian Trail. I left my swimming suit at his house on New Year's Eve. Dion, email me. I miss shooting the rabbits with you. Have you read Shelters of Stone yet? What's up? I need all the friends I can get.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/19/2002 11:52:00 AM

FOCAL AN LAE
Credit where credit is due. I started learning Irish Gaelic at this site

Here is something for you to say to your sweetie: Tá grá agam duit, a chuisle mo chroi. (TAW graw AH-guhm ditch, uh KWISH luh, mo (gutteral)hree). That means, "I love you, oh pulse of my heart."

Also, everyone knows about "focáil leat." That's a bad bad phrase and you should never say it except when some yobbo in a three-wheeler cuts you off.

And one last thing. Denver, téigh trasna ort féin. There. Rare moment of anger. I apologize, but hey this is real life happening in front of us, and sometimes we have to tell people to flarg themselves in a language they can't read.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/19/2002 11:42:00 AM

The Power of the Mother is riding high today...again, I feel like I want to take in every starveling orphan in the world, sit them down, and love them to death just so they don't need to feel scared and alone.

I am not one to follow Hollywood gossip in the least, but Billy Bob and Angelina? No! It can't be! They were so intense! They had IT! Why why why? That makes me sad, proof that IT can be lost or too much for two people to bear. Worry...worry...worry

Aside to Pooka's mom and dad: You two are pretty darn cool in your own little ways. I'm old enough to appreciate parents as people too, finally finally. Can't wait to meet Rachel and Jeremy. Can't wait. Can't wait for an excuse to go on a road trip.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/19/2002 11:31:00 AM

Oh what a beeeyootiful mooooor-ning, Oh what a beyoooootiful daaaay....I've got a woooonderful feeeeeeelin that everythin's goin my waaaaaayyy...

PRODUCT ENDORSEMENT
Lindt chocolates. Orgasm in edible form. I pity the foo who don't eat this candy. Especially the Lindor truffles. Have you ever seen Josh stagger and sway because of something he's eaten? I have. The dark chocolate truffles and fresh locally grown raspberries were the main event.

MORGAN
Mo is writing calligraphy with a sharp stick and a small cup of red paint. She got up early just to do that. Never fear, we have chocolate-chip granola bars again, and even bananas. She went to the beach yesterday with her class, and then she played with Pooka by throwing a day-glo rag doll around. Gods and Goddesses, do I love them.

GOSSIP
NOW, let me just say that the sure cure for bitterness about life is accidentally falling in love. You all know that already. STBX does not. Now HE is absolutely convinced that Pooka and I had met a year or so ago and have been involved ever since. Um, hello? He JUST moved up here. "Well, you tellin so many lies, who can believe a word you say?" And he accidentally quotes The Color Purple just there. He even talks like that.

By the way, it doesn't matter who planted the seed. What matters is that another farmer takes over sometime after germination.

I can't even come up with a good poem now. He stole my venge!

Ooh...but wait. I can go on and on in prose...after a trip to a library, a grocery store and some lunch, and some human behavioral experimentation, I took Josh to a park that will soon be but a happy memory, for it was sold for condo development...on the dry grassy hills and amongst the buggy trees, we spoke of spirits we had seen (Japanese foxes and Winnebago warriors), I wondered again at the majesty of my territory, introduced him to "our" trees, Mo's catalpa and hickory, and my maple...and then we went to pick Mo up at daycare, and she greeted him with a shy but happy smile. He was wearing his Bone Daddy T-shirt. He had quite an effect. We went to a farmer's market that is relatively overpriced but the quality of their honey and produce is fabulous. We came home with honey, raspberries and chocolate. We played. We cooked. We ate. We did laundry. We felt like we had been doing this for years already. He was so comfortable he even dozed momentarily on the couch...unmatching socks and all. That is SOOOOOO unpretentiously cute! We went to meet my mom, dad and dog. He charmed the pants off of both of 'em, by virtue of just being himself, but as Mo says, "That's just a figure of speech."

NOW...I must dash. I am all 'tinky and need to take a shower. I must work like a Clydesdale today...I fear I am falling behind on my chart note revisions (gasp!)_

Josh's dad emailed me a poem about paella. With his permission, I would reproduce it here. Mr. Neff the elder, would you be so kind as to allow me to post your Seussean poem here? Email and let me know, 'cos it made me chuckle.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/19/2002 08:07:00 AM

Thursday, July 18, 2002

I have had the most revelatorily peaceful and happy day I've had in a long time. More to come...I have someone asleep on my couch....shhhh.....

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/18/2002 05:12:00 PM

GINGER and HOISIN HAIKU SLAM

I have a fondness for haiku. Here are a few dug up from my past:

A ripe cherry falls
With a splash on the wet earth
Late summer rainfall

Dew drops lingering
The world is upside down now
But only through dew

Trickle of a stream
Cuts deeper down the mountain
The mountain is still

Rays of April sun
Shine full on gray paving stones
Thin green sprouts appear


There...how was that?

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/18/2002 12:03:00 PM

FULL
When I am old, I shall eat what I like
Let myself grow round and fat again
I'll wear tents and tablecloths
To accomodate my hunger
My heart may well explode
From the excess
My wrinkles will fill in
I will grow ponderous and slow
A privelege to be earned after a lifetime of want
Desire channeled into what once was dead
The feeling of expansion, of my ribs lifting apart
Will not be a lustful memory
But from being full
Here, now, and ever after
Full


Let's hear it for recovery! Hip hip Huzaah!

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/18/2002 11:53:00 AM

AND A BIG SHOUT-OUT TO...
Dad. Happy Birthday, Gary V. May you have many more, because we haven't gone camping in a while and I found this place at Lapham Peak where...oh. I forgot. You have to work. Me too. :( ANYWAY, eat your cake and be Mary.

JULIE TWO-TIMES
Well, today is the big day. I'm goin' downtown to get the papers, get the papers. I am embarking upon a pro se divorce adventure. I am going to serve STBX these papers myself. I won't hire a cop. I won't hire a lawyer. I wish that he choke on them. He continues to pester and vex and annoy. "Can I brush your horse, Buttercup?" "Thank you, but the farm boy does that."

PRODUCT ENDORSEMENT
The entire line of Citre Shine products. Ignore the ditzy blonde girl who pops up on the site. This stuff kicks ass. Without it, I'd have a Caucasian 'fro. Yeah, imagine that.

OH, BEE STILL MY HART
Oh honey distillery my deer? I get to see Pooka today! Yayayayayayayayay!

To have all the berries and honey in the world in my bowl
To wear silk and feathers every day, periwinkle and cerise
Standing under a waterfall, on top of the Rusalka's black jade table
Explode out of the ground in the spring
A shaking spear of green
My Dona speaks
I will watch over you

Now THAT's quite enough out of you, poet Julie.


MORGAN
This morning, she has to have some of my beloved Honey Nut Cheerios. I ate the last waffle and she ate the last granola bar. She comes out of her room every morning and says "Hi, mom" with her eyes closed and makes a beeline for the bathroom.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/18/2002 07:43:00 AM

Wednesday, July 17, 2002

MORGAN
I have previously mentioned Morgan, my daughter, is a budding artist. Well, she blew me away this evening. We were looking at a print book my mom got for us with Maxfield Parrish stuff in it. She says, "You know what? I bet he was a fairy for real. If this is how he saw things, he has to be a fairy." Wow. I didn't have the heart to tell her he was dead. Or is he?

MOVIE
I have been invited to the Pooka's lair for a screening of Amelie, apparently one of his favorite movies of all time. I like French movies and I heard this one is good. I will have him see Midnight Cowboy in return.

MOJO
I've got my mojo workin...Pan is in the air tonight...woe that I am alone! I shall summon a satyr. But I'll be thinking of my Pooka the whole time.

MONEY
The First National Bank of Julie is open for business, with 0% interest for a lifetime term loan up to $5. Any takers, anyone?

MOODY
I am suddenly overwhelmed with how cruel life can be to some people. I am overwhelmed with how cruel I can be to some people. Is it fair? I mean, five years of manipulation and emotional abuse/neglect, all returned in a single week? Did I save up that much spite and venge, just to let it out all at once? It is like lightning. I thought I'd let it go, but I guess not. I am sorry . I am sorry for any lies I told.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/17/2002 07:57:00 PM

BREAK TIME!
Okay. It's work break time. I have found Oingo Boingo to be the best music to bounce me on my way through umpteen million chart notes with blanks and mistakes. Danny Elfman has a SEXY voice, goshdarnit! No matter that he looks related to me, I can listen to him all day long. Who makes the rules? Someone else! Get up and dance, baby!

Again, STBX tries to push the envelope of pathos. It's junk mail, so I threw it away. How many times can a 28-year-old man call and hang up when I answer? ARGH! How old are you? Who's your daddy? Yo mama so wack...

Pooka has a mom who is nice and well-educated and status-y yet egalitarian, and a dad who is also well-educated, has a sick sense of humor, but apparently can make paella in a microwave. THAT I have to see to believe. I will cook dinner for them and I will blow them away. My gumbo rocks your mouth's house.

I have a mom who is a librarian and a dad who drives a forklift. I have a dog who lives at my parent's house who looks like a coyote. I have a cat who looks like a familiar.

I miss New Orleans sometimes. Not too often, but sometimes. I miss the French Market. I miss the andouille and pralines. I miss the gaslights. I miss Birmingham sometimes. I miss the kudzu and wisterias. I miss Golden Temple and Taj and Five Points. I miss New Mexico. I miss the mesquite-scented winter and the dew of the doglands. I miss Florida. I miss the pirate shacks and pelicans. BUT...now I have oak savannah and maple groves and sandhill cranes and wetlands and Kettle Moraine. I have the Fox River and Phantom Lake. I have stomping grounds. I belong to this place. I was born here. Anywhere else is just visiting.


My Stomping Grounds




posted by Julie Neff  # 7/17/2002 02:40:00 PM

WHAT IS A SOFTHEARTED GRRRL TO DO?

I got something in the mail today that played mightily on both sides of me, the "I want to be everyone's mom" versus "there are so many scams, who can you believe?"

You know those sponsorships for poverty-stricken children? I got an envelope with a form letter, a form picture of the girl from Honduras that everyone gets, and another form letter telling me how desparate this girl's family is, all 26 of them huddled together in a cardboard box in a rubbish dump. Ahem. I got the same thing in the mail last year, same little girl, same age, same same same.

Now, it kills me a little every day knowing that people, adults and children alike, are suffering, but it REALLY raises my ire that such organizations are run by such used-car salespeople. They bring a sick feeling to my eyes reading the smarmy pap they enclose with the heart-rending pictures. I am SUCH a sucker for kids of any age, any background...they play on that shamelessly.

You know what? I've made up my mind. I am going to raise my biological daughter to stable adulthood, and then probably adopt another or two or three or four...I'll need some help with this, so bear with me. I want to take in every single one of those addled, riddled waifs and throw them in the tub and scrub them down with loofas and read them stories and let them eat ice cream and cookies at bedtime, let them know the joy of being a child in an industrialized nation (agh, what did I just SAY?).

(This aside goes to Pooka's mom) Gee, do you think that easily accessible, morally acceptable birth control will be available in third-world nations in, say, 15 years? How about this country? Oh don't start. No, I didn't think so. There will always be a market for these kids, and there will always be someone like me who has to put off saving the world in order to do my job as a bio-mom properly.

There. End of rant.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/17/2002 01:42:00 PM

This is fun. Take my word.


Linguistic Restaurant

You need Flash for this, BTW

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/17/2002 12:00:00 PM

Uh-oh...I'm having a moment...quick, find something to remind me that someone out there is thinking of me, too...There. This book about female pirates. Oh, here's another thing, this poem (oh let us ramble...) And that CD. And the movie so kindly bequeathed to my baby Spriggan Matisse.

Ye Gods and Goddesses, being in love is hard to bear sometimes. How can it be for real? Someone slap me. Send on the alpha, receive on the beta...rush to the fridge, slam a chug of Mo's Rain, remind self not to be ridiculous. Chew inside of cheeks. Have palpitations. Push hair out of face. Remember someone else pushing hair out of my face... run tongue around mouth, want a cinnamon Altoid, think about kissing...oh geez, there I go again. Imagine night sky hands gliding over you, the entire world comes to a screeching halt, the cinnamon is burning a sweet spot where you last kissed me...Is it Satyrday yet?


posted by Julie Neff  # 7/17/2002 10:53:00 AM

Gabhaim pardún agaibh as an teachtaireacht seo i mBéarla.

All right. Now that's done, I feel like I have achieved greatness. So, now I want to talk about WORK. I have had many many jobs in my 14 years as a working stiff. I have gone from babysitter to waitress/fry cook to wildlife management to tutor to burger flipper (again) to maid to baker to focus group transcriptionist/office girl to candlemaker to, um, ENTERTAINMENT, to Pog stacker to online/phone CSR to medical transcriptionist to medical writer to QA/account specialist which is where I am now. That isn't counting the itinerant "oh let's try it, it sucked I quit" jobs. Went to college in the meantime. Kind of got good grades. Well, okay, that's not work.

Oh! I know! I had a dream about sitting in this closet in my living room with a bag of M&Ms.

PRODUCT ENDORSEMENT 'O' THE DAY:
M&Ms. I just really like 'em.

Now THAT segues to a pet interest of mine.

something fishy eating disorder site

In those 14 years, and only stopping about this past winter, I found it necessary to torture my poor body into submission.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
Don't make yourself puke after you eat. Don't eat til you get sick on purpose. It's expensive. It's not good for you. Find out why you're doing it and do what you have to do to stop. If I can stop after 14 years, anyone can.

All right. Enough of that. I talked to Pooka last night for a little while. That made me happy. We live the days of the week as follows: Funday, Bluesday, Bedsday, Fursday, Slyday, Satyrday, Punday. Strange that a Pooka would spend his time in the stacks instead of ON TOP of the stacks throwing things at people.

Oh, look at the time. My Spriggan shall be arising soon, and I must tend to her. Cheerios? Waffles? Granola bars? Rugrats vitamins? Milk? Rain juice? What intensely high-carb breakfast shall my Matisse choose today?

Slán go fóill!







posted by Julie Neff  # 7/17/2002 07:33:00 AM

Hey look at this:

Pooka's site

I did it! Yay for me! Who wants to kiss me?


contact me


julie

Email any praise here.


posted by Julie Neff  # 7/17/2002 07:05:00 AM

Tuesday, July 16, 2002

And another thing. My soon-to-be-ex-husband has gone down in the annals of "too little too late" for all time. Damn that locksmith was baldy baldy. Diet Moutain Dew and cranraspberry juice is what people drink in my heaven when they're not drinking mango/pineapple/coconut icees. My daughter Morgan has a bubble-blowing toy that looks like a big yellow bong.
If Mo had been a boy, her name would have been Rowan. Mr. BlackAdder in various incarnations has pulled me out of suicidal depression so many times, I figured the least I could do was give a namesake. So Mo's middle name is Rowena. How Saxon of me.

The Mutual Admiration Society is waiting in the wings...come on out, Pooka...bring your icing sugar glitter and water balloons...it's gonna get awfully sticky in here. Dave Rutherford had better not show up at GenCon this year. He knows why. Wolfsbane can come, but Dave cannot. I despise Miracle Whip. I love Honey Nut Cheerios. And you know what? Bacos are cool.







posted by Julie Neff  # 7/16/2002 08:31:00 PM

Oh, and another thing. Pooka made me a CD. Here is the first part of the play list:

The Shouting End of Life - Oysterband (this song makes me want to dance dance dance around like a damn hillbilly)
Crystal Days - Echo and the Bunnymen (This was the title of the email that started it all)
Sonho Meu - Maria Bethania and Gal Costa ("My Dream", sigh)
Bitter Honey - Khartoum Heroes (Swallow me)
Special One - Ultra Vivid Scene (heehee...oh, you)
Ando Meio Desligado - Os Mutantes (chachacha)
Dreamworld - David Byrne and some Latino guys (Hey, isn't he the guy who did "She Was?")

Now, see? Notice the trend? All of these are happy, almost manic, bouncy but also somewhat plaintive reminders of how sweet life can be. My 5-year-old Matisse loves Sonho Meu...she was singing it at Walmart yesterday when we went to buy whitestrips and batteries. She is the only 5-year-old in the Untied (I know, I spelled it wrong ON PURPOSE) States who goes to Walmart singing Brazilian songs and knows what they mean.

By the way, Crest Whitestrips have my vote. They are eminently useful and they work.

We just got done with the SEVENTH showing of Nightmare Before Christmas in three days. What's This? What's This? It's Humperdink and Dan, singing spooky talking ooky, again again again!

If I were to make a compilation CD for My Pooka, it'd have to go like this:

Break of Day - Bernardo Rubaja
Borderland - David Arkenstone
The Blackberry Reel - Traditional
Fascination Street - The Cure
Venus as a Boy - Bjork
When the Lights Go Out - Oingo Boingo
Jupiter, Bringer of Jollity - Gustav Holst
Flora's Secret - Enya
A Walk in the Dark - Talking Heads

And so on and so on. My computer won't cooperate, though.

Lord, what fools these mortals be, eh?

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/16/2002 08:19:00 PM

Oh my goodness. I just came to the door dressed in my ninja pajamas with bells and dingdings on. It was the locksmith. I thought it'd be Pooka but no, alas, a mundane. Did he ever look at me funny. I guess I kind of surprised him.

My ex-husband has not given my key back, so I changed the locks. Locksmiths are great.

My daughter was given The Nightmare Before Christmas by one Pooka and she loves it. I think they hit it off well. They both like ice cream with sprinkles.

I'm listening to Irish hymns now. Rosa Mystica, Christ Child's Lullaby, etc. Beautiful. Kind of makes me wish I were a better person.

Deep down, I want to climb up on the roof with a bullhorn and shout to the world, I'm getting it right this time!

I hate doctors, even though I really want to be one. I want to be a pathologist. So I like pee and blood and tumors better than patients, so? Maybe I'll be a lab tech instead. Then I'd still be allowed to hate SOME doctors.

The randomness and out-of-characterness is typical. I'm stuck amongst humans and it's bollocks. It's terribly frustrating. I hear they call this "Mojo?" Let me at 'em. They rip holes in my cloaking device and then blame me when they bump their heads. "She asked for it, look at how she walks, look at how she's dressed!" Give me my sword and I'll show them a thing or two.

They don't let me have swords here. I have a stick, but I can't be agile with a stick, no matter how bendy it is.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/16/2002 02:58:00 PM

Monday, July 15, 2002

So...this is the wonderful world of Blog, huh? Well, I'll get me sea legs in a moment. But first, I have to take a whiz.

All right. Well, lemmee see...I did this mainly because I have seen many web logs and kind of got jealous. I want my life splashed all over the web, too! I have yet to learn.

A big shout-out to my mom, whose birthday it is today. Cancerians nurture the world. Also to "E," who lived on Conti in New Orleans. Thanks for the place to crash, I never did thank you.

I'm still kind of married, but I'm gonna get the papers get the papers. Everything I say about him is probably not true. I'm not bitter about marriage, but I am eminently bitter about marriage to hypocritical Mormons.

Hey, oh yeah. I've recently fallen in love with a Pooka. Everything I say about him is true. He is like...well, for those of you who know, you know what he's like. He climbed an oak tree and recited Shakespeare for goshsakes!

I have this kid who paints like Henri Matisse. She's only 5. She is getting Tellerico's Big Giant I Can Draw Everything soon. She will be unstoppable. She's a sketch machine. Hey Margaret...we're coming! Get ready. Get your gallery in order, because we have a prodigy coming to be inspired.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/15/2002 03:44:00 PM

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