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HiDeeHo

"Some calls it madness...I calls it HiDeeHo." - Cab Calloway
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Saturday, February 08, 2003

GO OUT AND GET A LAPPER

On this date in 1893, the earliest documented striptease was performed at the Bal des Quatre Arts, held at Paris's notorious Moulin Rouge. A women known simply as Mona offered up this groundbreaking live bump and grind. Apparently, Mona earned her living mostly by posing for painters and sculptors.

This doesn't count all the undocumented ones performed in boudoirs by adventurous wives and mistresses.

posted by Julie Neff  # 2/08/2003 08:24:00 AM

Friday, February 07, 2003

FURTHER ADVENTURES IN DIVORCE COURT

Ah, the sound of the copy machine, the thunk of time stamps, the pink stuff that makes your fingers just sticky enough to riffle through papers quickly...such is the content of the Waukesha County Circuit Court Clerks' office. Mo made a paper-clip chain while we waited.

I'm getting really good at this pro se legal stuff. I shouldn't be having so much fun playing detective and paralegal either, but I must admit, this is one of the things I'm good at; leaving no stone unturned, no "i" undotted, no "t" uncrossed is my cuppa-tay.

The ex, of whom you all know and dislike immensely, doesn't wanna play nice and follow the direction of the judge regarding our taxes. So I'm charging him with contempt. That's the proper thing to do.

BUT...THAT'S NOT ALL
Here's the thing, and it is hilarious proof of serendipity. The ex disclosed to me via a nassssssty email a week or so earlier that he'd be sojourning south to that city of ill repute, Genua...I mean, New Orleans, for Mardi Gras. He wanted to rub that in because of my history there and because I often expressed a desire to go back. I'd still like to go back, but preferably not as a seedy-side employee and Jackson Square resident.

For those of you who don't know Catholicism, or perhaps have been living under a rock in a cave in the remotest parts of Protestant Slovenia(? I don't know, I'm just talkin' out of my ass here), Mardi Gras means Fat Tuesday, which is a day of gluttony, drunkenness, excessive public breastage, and generally lascivious behavior before the supposedly ascetic Lent, beginning on Ash Wednesday.

This year, Fat Tuesday is on March 4.
(pause)
Guess what date the court clerk gave me as the date for the contempt hearing?
(pause)
March 4.

It's not like I said, "Hey, I want to screw up my ex's plans to get wasted at Mardi Gras, so can you make this contempt hearing (if at which he doesn't show, a warrant will be put out for his arrest) actually on Fat Tuesday?" I said no such thing. I said, "When is the soonest we can get in?

Heehee.

PROPS
Big shout-out and many many thanks to Ms. M. for her sound advice regarding all things divorcey. HEY GIRL!!! That was my shout-out. Mo can't wait to meet you and the sis.


OH BROTHER, HERE WE GO AGAIN

There is no end to this man's paranoia. Tom Tomorrow has the link, here is the document in question, and presumably we shall supply the ire.

posted by Julie Neff  # 2/07/2003 05:10:00 PM

Thursday, February 06, 2003

WE COULD BE HEROES, FOREVER AND EVER

Wondering what fantastically expensive gift to get that geek couple? How about this? His and hers customized action figures from Neiman-Marcus.

Note: I did indeed steal that line from the David Bowie song.

posted by Julie Neff  # 2/06/2003 01:51:00 PM

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

PATHOLOGIZED

PSA: A Newly Discovered Pattern of Female Sexuality.

With a headline like that, how could I resist?

Upon reading the article and abstract, however, I was, for lack of better words, mildly horrified.

ADDENDUM: The site that contains this article is very informative. You can draw you own conclusions about the content.

You can turn anything into a syndrome or disorder if you tack on the modifier, taken straight from the DSM-IV, " The behavior or symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other areas of functioning." Yeah. Making up new syndromes and disorders used to be a fun psych major game. This trend of research professionals pathologizing variations on the nonexistant "normal" is disturbing. The fact that people are bothered by things like this is disturbing. Have we internalized the Chaste Puritan so much?

I don't think being physically aroused all the time is a problem. Then again, that's just me. What do I know? I'm just a layperson.

I could very well have PSAS, except for the last part, #5 on the list which is what makes it a syndrome/disorder and not merely a pleasant and diverting fact of feminine psychobiochemistry. This PSAS differs from hypersexuality, which is also considered to be pathological, in that there are physical signs and perception of arousal without desire. For example, seeing a box of Kleenex or a 6-foot hanging pothos might give you a little tingle. Or a big one. Watching the branches dance in the sunset wind, not thinking anything sexual at all, and you feel as if you're sitting in a little bowl of buzzing room-temperature Jello. While you're typing a cover letter to the Sheriff's Department of another county, your headlights are on (oh, pardon the euphemisms....unbidden, unprovoked mammary and vulvar vasocongestion, thank you very much). All right. They've pathologized me.

IF THAT'S SO...
I guess I also have Persistent Litigious Ex-Husband Disorder, or PLEHD (prounounced "played"). Maybe I have Chronic Lack Of Completion Of Formalized Higher Education Syndrome, or CLOCOFHES (pronounced "clock-o-fez"). Both of those cause clinically and socially significant distress, MUCH more than then being chronically frisky. Anyone else have any clever acronymical disorders? Let me know. Maybe I'll publish a paper.

FIRST ODD SEARCH STRINGS

Somehow, the phrases "meaning of snogger" and "parmigiano reggiano pregnancy" led Googlers and Yahoos here.

posted by Julie Neff  # 2/04/2003 05:20:00 PM

KOPYKATZ PYJAMMAS

Whoohoo! I am a published poet! Check out my new page, Foolish Mutterings and Scrawls. All the poems out of my archives, and very likely new ones, are going on here. Soon there will be a perma-link to it, and a link back here, but for now I have clinic reports actually coming out of my wazoo. Makes blog editing kind of difficult.

posted by Julie Neff  # 2/04/2003 10:27:00 AM

Monday, February 03, 2003

A DREAM DEFERRED

When Mo and I showed up at Borders on Saturday morning, Josh said, "Did you hear?" I hadn't. We had been listening to Kid's Classical Hour, not the news.

The more I hear about the Columbia and those on board, the more it gets to me. The risks of going into space always seemed trivial compared to the experience and scientific merit. Not so much anymore.

When the Challenger went, I was in sixth grade, on the upswing of wanting to be a scientist (doctor) or perhaps a pilot (military doctor), or very perhaps an astronaut (Bones/Crusher/Bashir). The fact that you could very well die in these occupations dampened my ardor for the final frontier not in the least. It took high school and hormones for that. Nevertheless, throughout high school, the dream of going into space haunted all of my ambitions. I found myself during all of senior year talking to recruiters, taking tests, getting information, seriously considering going into the Air Force...pitting one set of principles (peacenik, leftist, individualist) against another (put up or shut up for the sake of your future career, you have a brilliant scientific mind, why waste it at a piddly school in the middle of nowhere, blah blah). The scholarship letters, acceptance letters and stories from family and acquaintances about the military whittled away at this dream even further. I'd go crazy in the military, they said. Boot camp would break me, they said. I'd be better off getting the undergrad degree first, they said. You're young and impressionable, they said. I couldn't deny that last one.

As it happened, I ended up going to New Mexico Tech, where I found out that I was a very small fish in an endless ocean of great scientific minds. I decided then to keep my skyward ambitions in the poetic realm instead.

What happens to a dream deferred? Sometimes it explodes. Sometimes it just fades away.

posted by Julie Neff  # 2/03/2003 07:37:00 AM

Sunday, February 02, 2003

LOVELY BIG GOLDEN SHIPS WITH NOISE

I generally shy away from posting about Engrish, as Anna usually keeps apace with it.


BUT...

This is just too good to pass up. Xeni at BoingBoing found Engrish subtitled screenshots from bootlegged Two Towers DVDs. Warning: Potty break before reading these.

posted by Julie Neff  # 2/02/2003 08:28:00 PM

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