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HiDeeHo

"Some calls it madness...I calls it HiDeeHo." - Cab Calloway
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Friday, July 18, 2003

ASSORTED RANTS

1. I found a book that I think should be burned. I won't even dignify it with an Amazon link, or even mentioning the title in title format. It has to do with telling women what parts of their body are horribly misshapen and what clothes to wear in order to look a certain way, and also what NOT to wear. Ahem. I think I figured out that I have every single figure flaw in this book. I'm short overall, short-waisted, with a big bottom, a very slight tum, a big chest, short legs, wide shoulders, a slightly rounded chin and a short neck. Funny, I look perfectly in proportion to myself. I wonder what they'd tell me not to wear.

2. I found a magazine at Borders yesterday that had a center section with full frontal male nudity. I have no problem with that, and matter of fact a couple of the men had what I'd consider attractive faces and bodies. I was ogling the mag, giggling over it with one of Josh's coworkers from the cafe, when I was kindly reminded (by Josh oddly enough) of the fact that I could be arrested for looking at it while in the store. A kid could walk by and catch an eyeful of penis, and that's lewd and lascivious behavior on my part. Hm. I flipped through the rest (it was that Aussie chick mag that has Alyssa Milano on the cover this month) and found not much else of interest. HOWEVER, I pick up a French couture mag next and flip to a section with nude female mannequins with outsize Betsey Johnson-esque zippers where their vulvas should be. ??? And that's not a BIT vulgar. Heh. Not at all. Objectified meta-women with zipper-coochies aren't in the same league with attractive naked men with normal genitalia. I think that's absolute codswallop. Oh, needless to say, the couture mag also had the usual content of anorexic models dressed in the stupidest clothes I'd ever seen. That's a separate rant.

3. In the mag with the nudie men, there was also an article about plastic surgery for women's genitalia. Collagen injections for your G-spot. Labioplasty, both reduction and enhancement, minora and majora. Hymen restoration. Perineoplasty, for the lady with the saggy taint. Mons pubis enhancement. And etc. Bewildered look. Cringes from Josh and coworkers. A mini-poll in the article found that 90% of women surveyed would not have this sort of surgery. I sure as hell wouldn't. I fretted over the fact that the doc who delivered Morgan had to trim and tuck and stitch me a bit just for functionality's sake. See, which of these things is not like the others: Needles, scalpels, lasers, sexy?

INTERLUDE
All of these are just symptoms of the greater problem: Women have been convinced that they just aren't good enough as they are. Dress this way, assume this aloofness, alter yourself like this, make yourself like that. I guess that's why I don't read magazines like that. I spent the rest of my time reading about caves in Wisconsin and Iowa, state natural areas, hiking and camping, and slash fanfic.


LAST
Believe it or not, the perusal of women's mags yesterday made me think more about my own personal aesthetic. Why do I wear makeup or fuss with my hair? Why do I choose certain clothes over others? Why did I paint my fingernails iridescent lavender and wear sheer berry lip gloss? Why do I love perfume so much? Why do I dress to enhance what most women would want to hide? I pondered these on the short drive home from Borders. I only got as far as nailing down my liking of makeup and nail polish and such things. It's the colors.

I choose my cosmetic palette not to catch men's or women's eyes, or to adhere to fashion standards, or to hide anything, but to incorporate the beauty of color into myself. The iridescent nail polish? Visually appealing to me, and now part of me. The rusty brown burnish on my eyelids? It reminded me of fox fur and I want to make that a part of me as well. The ripe berry shine on my lips? Part of me now too. I don't go by trends. I go by what hits my eyes and keeps going. If I could keep the subtle gray-green of Josh's eyes in dawn light in some cosmetic, I would. I'd wear it and incorporate it into myself. Insomuch as I am a visual person at all, color is most important.

Perfume? Easy. It's color that you can't see. I find I prefer scents that smell edible, or mix well with what some would call the "dirty" kinds of scents. You know. Tha funk.

Clothes? Well...save that for another time. Ease of on-and-off is a big plus.

Okay, I think I'm done ranting.

OH AND

Happy birthday, dad. Key lime pie coming your way this evening.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/18/2003 10:22:00 AM

Thursday, July 17, 2003

PHILANTHROPY

Now this is what I call admirable. This is the exact sort of thing I needed when I was a teenager.

ARTISTRY

This is another site from the mistress of the above, but more for adults. Emphasis on adults. Likey.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/17/2003 12:03:00 PM

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

THE ART OF SMORE

Lately I've been digging on the Smores. It's a summer thing, to my mind, much like watermelon and popsicles.

Given a choice, I'm actually rather fussy about my smores, which probably goes against the spirit of the schnax, but I know what I like.

Optimally, the graham crackers should be plain, and slightly soft (some would say stale). I consider stale to mean also having picked up ambient flavors. If the crackers are soft and bendy, they aren't stale. If they taste like cabinet or musty sprouting garlic and onions, they're stale.

If outdoors, a wood and leaf bonfire is ideal for melting marshmallows and slightly charring them, mostly brown, maybe slightly blackened at the edges. No plastic or paper in that fire, please. If indoors, a soy wax candle (which burns sootless) is the thing to use. Only resort to the microwave if real fire is not available. I don't have a gas stove and have found the elements on electric stoves to be less than satisfactory.

The chocolate? I prefer Dove milk chocolate squares to Hershey bars. Smoother texture and more pronounced chocolatiness. You do need to wait a bit longer and smear the middle around a bit more to get it melted properly, but it's worth it.

If you must resort to the microwave, do not just throw the whole thing in and zap it. This will result in a huge mess of marshmallow, scorched crackers and a solid lump of chocolate. Instead, smear a blob of unsalted butter on a saucer. Put a few minis or a big marshmallow on the butter. Zap it in the 'wave only until it starts puffing. Then put a square of chocolate in the center of the marshmallows and keep zapping it. You have to guesstimate as far as time goes, but the marshmallows should start to tinge tan and get a bit dry at the edges, while the chocolate absorbs most of the waves and thus melts properly. Take it out, ferchrissakes don't burn yourself, and scoop the mess onto the crackers. Smoosh. Eat. Yum. Happy.

PRODUCT ENDORSEMENT

Oregon Chai, especially the slightly sweet version. My taste memory is recording the amounts of ginger, honey, cinnamon and vanilla to add to the black tea because I'll be darned if I can't make my own. But...mix this with soy or rice milk, over ice...narf. Good stuff.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/16/2003 03:10:00 PM

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

PER ANNUM

Today is the one-year mark of HiDeeHo. What a strange year it's been.

Happy birthday, Mom. Out of courtesy, I won't mention age, but if you're old enough to have a 29-year-old daughter, you should be past caring.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/15/2003 11:22:00 AM

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