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HiDeeHo

"Some calls it madness...I calls it HiDeeHo." - Cab Calloway
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Friday, August 01, 2003

CROSS QUARTERS

A fair and bright Lughnassadh to you all. Now we're halfway to the autumnal equinox. Bake a loaf of bread, pick some blackberries, and get some sun.

posted by Julie Neff  # 8/01/2003 11:22:00 AM

THINKING OUT LOUD...KIND OF

It was suggested to me that I should find a niche online and fill it. Yes, but so much easier said than done. Lemmee see...my areas of expertise (lay medical advice, food-ism, sex which you don't want to know about, parenting a girl-child, getting out of bad bad relationships, etc.) have been done to death. Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, Jean Auel and Tom Robbins already have fan sites aplenty. Hm...

OH WAIT! Epiphany! I know what! I can blog the Ice Age Trail! I can blog all of the southern unit of KMSF! The web is a bit lacking when it comes to photos of MY neck of the woods/restored prairie/slough/swamp/marsh.

But for that one I need a good digital camera, space on a server into which I might upload many many photos, and the foresight to take along notebook, pencil and field guides.

Now note, the Ice Age Trail is big. It's not as big as the Appalachian Trail, but it's still pretty flerkin' big. I seem to keep running over the same ground when I go out hiking. I know the center section of KMSF by heart. Hell, I wild hunted it once so I practically OWN it, in a sense. I know the Lapham Peak unit nearly as well, probably better this year. The state natural areas bear futher investigation. The DNR published a book about them, but there aren't enough pictures.

Hey ho for a digital camera!


AND WHAT IT'S NOT

Dug out some of my old journals from years ago, from summer 1996 all the way up through last summer. My, how times change. Handwriting doesn't. Apparently in '96, I was convinced that I was possessed by a demon, but I was just in the early weeks of pregnancy. Apparently I had counted 13 individual things worth killing myself over back then. Apparently everything back then I cared to write about was a matter of life and death. I wanted to do bloody murder on some people.

I reread my chronicle of how I met Denver too. Very early on, in August 1997, I wrote..."I don't know. There's something about him that I just don't like." Hah. If we had been honest with each other back then, SO much bad need not have happened. It was not worth it, in any way, shape or form.

Chronicle of Morgan is very limited in my journals. I think it's because she had a separate baby book and had so darn many pictures taken, it's all there already.

Chronicle of bulimia that almost went anorexic is quite intact, continuous and accelerates in 2000 and 2001. Scribbled lists of what I had eaten, what I had NOT eaten, what I had flushed/thrown away instead of eating, my measurements and weight, rationalizations, bemoaning my big bones and sore throat, things like "Gatorade, caffeine, ephedra, potassium salicylate, aspirin" as my list of what I had taken in (this was right before the cardiac event). No one could expect to live like that for long.

Chronicle of budgeting, workaholism and recovery in 2002. Then I found the stopping point. It was Josh's phone number in black ink, with a note torn out and tucked in -"A cross between Jack Kerouac, Winnie-the-Pooh and Prince Charming." After that, the written chronicle fizzles out.

But the blog isn't going to be like that.

posted by Julie Neff  # 8/01/2003 08:28:00 AM

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

15,000 STEPS BACK

You already know I think our president is an idiot and a wannabe fascist. I just hadn't mentioned it recently. What brought it to my immediate attention again was the formalization of his stance on same-sex marriage, which is pathetically closed-minded, archaic and just plain square. No surprises there.

And all the lies surrounding intelligence from the middle east and what pundits are calling Nigergate (doubtless our president is pronouncing it with two consecutive Gs) come as no surprise either.

What a dumbass.

I started metaphorically shaking my head in disbelief when he stole the election and haven't stopped yet.

PERSONAL ADDENDUM: Dumbass, when you asked me who I voted for lo these many months ago...I LIED TO SHUT YOU UP. I lied about a lot of other things too, but you never deserved the truth anyway, so I guess it's only fair.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/30/2003 03:15:00 PM

ASSENT

I'm again feeling and thinking it's time to reassess what this blog thing is to me.

It got started entirely on a whim, as many of the most interesting things in my life have done. At that point, I did want my life splashed across a small part of the web. I was in a defiant, fiery, spunky, fingers-in-many-pies (manic?) mode and I needed some legible chronicle. My handwriting is atrocious, so much so that even I can't read it sometimes. I had no idea anyone would read it except Josh or random strangers who could give a swut less.

I think I may have had something to prove back then too. I had claimed to him to be a writer of sorts and so then I had proof, even though it was all rough-sketch and no real polish. Stuff happened, I thought about it and typed it out, and there you have it. Sometimes flights of whimsy got given structure, and there you have them too.

Blogging is narcissistic, they all say. Well, it really is. It is probably one of the least dysfunctional ways of expressing inherent narcissism. There are worse ways.

Having comments and having a view tracker has made me alternately very self-conscious and very defiant again regarding what I post. I rediscovered a genre writing talent recently, the product of which would absolutely NOT go on here now - but if I didn't know who was reading, it may very well have. It's not what I'd call surprising, but if you read it, I guarantee your face would be quite red and your mouth would be hanging open. But it's not going here, more's the pity. You don't want to read about me or anyone else that way.

There is a very distinct possibility that I'll be taking a small trip at the end of August to do something else that might be considered a bit narcissistic. I'm not saying what, in case it doesn't happen. It won't be because of loss of nerve on my part if it doesn't, but if it does you can damn well bet I'll be posting about it. You might not want to think of me that way either.

Maybe I'll post something so boring that people will clamor for the thoughtful, the edgy, the risque', the XXX-rated, the despairing, the surreal, the dangerous after all.

Maybe this is that post. Clamor away. Or not.

Apathy sets in. Maybe I should just let it go after all.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/30/2003 08:31:00 AM

Monday, July 28, 2003

I JUST HAD TO ASK

Recall when I was wondering who was next in the list of celebrity deaths? I speculated that Bob Hope would probably be next. Sadly enough, I was right.

posted by Julie Neff  # 7/28/2003 01:08:00 PM

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